School

Now that school has begun, I feel like I've just been struck by a train while my ideas of eco-composition remain planted in the ground beside the tracks, quickly fading as the engine, with its speed and inertia, pulls me farther and farther away. So now, I have to get myself together, climb to the top of this train and somehow manage to gather my thoughts again while trying to duck for all those low-clearance overhead recitals and manage to hold on and not get thrown off the top of a boxcar while we speed around a curve around some gigantic concert. Meanwhile, I have to stay in touch with my artistic vision. Is this really something I can do?

I feel like I have this fantastic idea—a music major that focuses on piano and composition and an environmental studies major that focuses on music—but I feel that, as a super-senior, time and expense are not on my side. On one hand, I do need to graduate at some point. On the other hand, I never had a clear sense of direction, at least not one I could stick to, and that alone has extended college for me. Music, Spanish ed, global studies, music, a year in China, music... I've covered a lot of ground, but my movement hasn't been very linear. Why should it be? What in the natural world is linear? Earth's orbit is elliptical, its shape spherical, its weather unpredictable, but an education often turns out to be linear and one-dimensional. I've had a very rich education so far, touching three different majors and taking place at three different universities on two continents. All of this has brought me to this point. I actually have what I think is a good idea now, and I think it's a worthy investment. In order for it to work, though, I need to really apply myself this year in my music studies, more than ever before. I also need to find a few faculty members and bounce some ideas off them.

I don't want to do anything typical. Enough people are doing that already. I don't want to simply major in music and teach piano and live happily ever after. I don't want to major only in environmental studies and go into some predictable field like "policy" or "consulting". I want to carve my own path, and even if a few other people share my goals (I'm not going to pretend that my ideas are totally unique), at least I can offer a fresh route, and it requires preparation. That is why I want to take on this new major. The more I think about it, the less unfeasible it seems. I think it's time for me to go to approach the right people and say, "I'm a super-senior with a really neat idea." I am here, after all, for my education. It follows, then, that it should take the form that I think it should take. With this semester completely locked up in music credits, there's no way I could start any substantial work in environmental studies right now, but I do need to explore. Next step: find out how to do it.

Which role?

In my most recent thoughts about a possible future career in music composition, I've been thinking about whether I should focus on composing or on compositional theories. Then I concluded that I can do both, so there doesn't need to be an "or" in there anywhere. It's always nice when decisions become easy, when "or" becomes "and".

Also, I've been thinking again about adding a major in environmental studies. I feel that if I want to be a composer who focuses on environmental issues, it would be useful to know a lot about both music and ecology. Maybe this will become an "and", too. It would add even more time to my already drawn-out undergraduate education, but I think it could be worthwhile.